I'm going to name this dress My Mysterious Boobs.
Boobs of mystery! Boobs of intrigue!!! How is it you fit neither A, B, or C of this multi-sized Vogue pattern? WHAT SORT OF FANTASY LAND DO YOU COME FROM?!
This is Vogue 8814, the top half, at least. Comes in four cup sizes. As you can imagine, with three failed tracings I never got to D. No, I just kept throwing my hands up in defeat and screaming away from the swedish tracing paper tacked to my abused dress form. Every five days or so, I'd come back to the pattern pieces I'd shoved furiously behind my fabric shelf, thinking I'd found the answer. Lather rinse repeat.
I think it's safe to safe that I am not a multiple cup size girl.
I'm also SO not the girl for this pattern. Y'all. Y'all short waisted thangs out there. THIS IS NOT THE DROID FOR YOU. The bottom half of this jammie should have diagonal panels and a bias flounce, but those awesome seam lines mean that raising the waist is no bueno. And I tried. A lot.
Finally, I abandoned ship and draped a skirt with side godets and a CB zip. That ship was burning for DAYS before I jumped into the water. I'm surprised my hair wasn't on fire.
And yet... and yet... as I write this I'm remembering I had another idea... to take the pattern up diagonally rather than straight across.... I am 100% sure that this will work... and yet... and yet... I am also 100% sure that this will produce another flaming rage quit...
LOOK DAMMIT SOMEBODY TELL ME NOT TO F WITH THIS PATTERN ANYMORE!
I should have Ruggy make up a song for me. Sometimes when I'm going off and he's like ENOUGH ALREADY he'll make up a song out of whatever I'm saying. Just last week, when I tried to explain to him that "chill" is just a word and it's also a good practice this is what he came up with:
IT'S JUST A SONG THAT I MADE UP WITH WORDS:
It's a catchy tune. I say "just chill!" a lot. He hates it. AND YET... HE HAS NOW WRITTEN MY THEME SONG FOR THE SUMMER. I'm not singing it here in this picture, but it looks like it! It's also the closet he got to a front bodice shot. Am I upset that we didn't get a close up? Hey man, no worries! JUST CHILL!
I'm also super relaxed about the pregnancy vibe capabilities of this dress. This is seconds into a little gust of wind-- breezes catch the side godets and plump the dress out riiiiight up the middle all the way to My Mysterious Boobs. If asked, I will tell people I'm having a fabric baby.
The wax fabric is certainly aiding in raising my chill factor. If I did have a closeup of the bodice, you might see two little darts at center front that Should Not Exist. Then again, you might not-- I'm trying, unsuccessfully, to find the side godet here. Thank Yoda Yaweh and little bouncing Baby Buddha for crazyface wax prints!