10.22.2015

This might be why it's called a Manhattan.


DUDE, I said to the smoker, repeat offending on our front stoop for the fourth day in a row (his short term memory is, apparently, 50 First Dates short), you have GOT to be kidding me. Aren't you tired of me nagging you? Aren't you tired of SEEING me? Just go somewhere else. JUST. GO. ANYWHERE. ELSE.

Mumble mumble, he said, crushing his half-finished smoke on the step, sauntering off with his pizza box.

At least this time he didn't bark at me to CLOSE YOUR WINDOW. That was the gem he offered up on day three. Strangers telling me what to do in my own home are awesome! If you'd like to buy me an apartment in a high rise, that'd be just fine, I retorted sweetly. He rolled his eyes and walked away.

I have decided on several options for further courses of action, should he grant me the pleasure of his company for a fifth day. One involves me going full-volume-nuclear on him, and yes, I know I know, that is not the course of action I'll take. While I sincerely believe that I am 6 foot 3, and able to physically annihilate just about anything, I am also aware that this belief is helpful only in terms of boosting my self confidence.

Helpful is a rare breed nowadays in the city. I'm starting to wonder if it's specific to New York, though. I was away in Seattle/Portland last week, doing an absolutely gorgeous workshop of a new musical (apologies to every sewist I was in spitting distance of...so busy!!). And the people. The people! Were SO! FRIENDLY! I had a conversation with just about every stranger that crossed my path! Back at home, I swear, people are crossing my path... BUT IT'S BECAUSE THEY'RE AIMING FOR ME.

And how is it possible that I'm home at the exact time of Short Memoried Smoker's random daily visits? Maybe the universe is putting me in his path. Maybe the universe is trying to get New York to behave itself! MAYBE IT WANTS TO SEE WHAT WE'LL DO! ALRIGHT THEN, UNIVERSE! I'LL TAKE THE BAIT! HEY MANHATTAN! Baby, whassamatter? What the problem is? Why you goin' around smokin' in people's faces and growlin' and shizz? You need a cocktail? Come on over. Chill. I'll mix you up something good. Ruggy even brandies his own cherries. They're delicious.

(Don't let my sardonic tone confuse you, I really am in a lovely mood after that trip. A mood made all the more lovely by being back with my man, who is imitating Michael McDonald as I type. We had a very enjoyable city excursion this morning, to snap some shots of my latest MSN project. It's live at the Mood Sewing Network now, and I'll have some more pics up here in the next few days. Cuz it's my house, yo!!!!!!!  Now, just let me get on humanizing Manhattan. I've got a lot of drinks to mix.)

24 comments:

  1. WHAT?!?!?!?! In my backyard and didn't even know it. SMH......okay. Perhaps the next time.

    Kimberly

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    1. you're there?!!! i swear, one of these days i'll have a decent amount of time to play, and i'll announce it nice and early so i don't miss anyone. it really was nonstop, though.

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  2. I grew up in Los Angeles where you didn't make a lot of small talk with strangers then moved to Seattle where folks were definitely a lot friendlier. We've been in Texas for the last 16 years where most everyone throws up a hand and says howdy. My daughter and I were in NYC this past weekend stalking tickets to Hamilton and met some of the nicest people who helped us navigate the ins and outs of standbys and lotteries. We did encounter a few less than nice people who looked at me like I was crazy but then my daughter did tell me I was making too much eye contact! Glad you enjoyed Seattle. It's a great place to visit.

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    1. haha, love your daughter's advice! people think i'm not from NY for the very same reason. hope you got to see Hamilton!

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  3. You were right in my backyard!! Well, across the water from me. Sorry to have missed you, but so glad you were met with the PNW's friendly atmosphere. My husband and I moved out here from NJ (very close to NY) where our family still is, 18 years ago, and haven't ever regretted it. We love the people, and the space. Anytime we go back East now, I am so very aware of how close everything is, along with how very fast the pace is.
    Hope you get another chance to visit. Maybe we should have a sewing convention:)

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    1. i can't believe everyone i missed! someday we'll have that convention. that would be killer.

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  4. LOL...I fess up...I did cry just a little when I saw that I missed what would have been an epic meet-up with you in Seattle. But 'tis true...there's only so many hours in a day, and so many days in a week. Happy to hear you enjoyed your PNW visit!

    Now NYC...no talkies, no smilies, am i rite? Not sure how I'd cope with that.

    There was a tenant in the basement suite that decided he'd rather smoke in the outside stairwell than off property as per rental agreement. He thought he was being sneaky, but our furnace intake vent happens to be in the basement stairwell. It didn't take me long to figure out why my home smelled of smoke. I so feel your pain!!! As much as I crave my own home again, one quick word with the landlord and he was gone shortly after.

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    1. wait, but... canada? damn my incapacity for geographic knowledge! of course you were close! seriously, i had like two hours free, so i hollered at a few gals i knew were in town. fingers crossed, there will be a next time, & proper time for hanging!

      i envy your quick word solution. i actually saw the dude again after this... WALKING INTO HIS BUILDING THREE DOORS DOWN. is there some reason he doesn't smoke on his own damn stoop?!

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  5. At least you know who the irritant is and can try and do something. Try having fly tippers at the communal bin area of a privately owned block of flats! Sofa's mattresses, bits of wood, sinks, and I kid you not a toilet - one that was not cleaned before it was taken out. No we are not a council rubbish dump. Guess who has to pay for the managing agents to clear out the junk that gets dumped! I would love to have a guy smoking outside as the only problem!! Thanks for allowing this rant!

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  6. Come to Canada - we're nice, too!
    Smoking, tho?! So. Gross.

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    1. that's very much a possibility :). everything shoots in CA now! and i'm not talking tinseltown.

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  7. I lived in London for 35 years and I LOVED it. But.........I moved "home" to the north Midlands for a job fully expecting to be back in London within three years. The difference in people and general courtesy has made me decide to stay: people will chat, smile and say good morning as we pass, life is a bit slower but not dull, traffic is better, I have a house not a two room flat etc, etc. I still enjoy London and visit frequently but I have lost any interest in living there again. I found the irritations became les cope-able with as I got older, patience never being one of my virtues. If someone smoked on my doorstep I would be furious!

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    1. the best laid plans! i love your change of pace. i'm with you on patience, and on the slower! who needs to rush through life? (well, unless you suddenly need a new dress to wear to a next-day event....)

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  8. Oh I'm so sorry!! On another note, I'm in Seattle, and we are known for being a super unfriendly city (I just came back from NOLA yesterday and random people sitting ..on their front stairs, smoking ;) ) said hi and smiled at me everywhere I went. Here, nobody seems to make ye contact with each other, and I grew up here, everybody is either afraid of crazy people, or offending somebody. I have some belief that people have cities that work best for them, and I am glad your experience here at least was good!

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    1. wait, for real? it was the nicest town ever! maybe it's the rose colored glasses of an outsider?

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  9. I think I would bag and tag some of smoker man's butts right in front of him. Let him know you are keeping them in case the po po needs a sample of his DNA later. I bet he would stop squatting on your stoop then. Ha! Maybe this time of year makes people in the city rude and cranky. They can see snowflakes on the horizon and it causes bad behavior.

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    1. HAHAHAA YES ALICIA! and guess what? he lives three doors down. saw him sauntering into his own building. ?!!!

      people are major cranky after the holidays, when it's just cold and there's no sparkle left. but this weather has been gorgeous, you think we'd be on happy probation!

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  10. You had me at "Manhatten", I thought this was going to be a cocktail tale. I will add my grossed out response, and say that you have every right to chase him off with a broom or skillet. I can't understand why people still smoke in the 21st century. Let alone on someone else's porch.

    Glad to hear your escape from NY was a good one.

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    1. would that it were a cocktail tale! (a cocktale?)

      i love that smokers get mad at others who don't want to share their smoke. and by love, i mean, fly into a RAGE.

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  11. Haha! Cocktails will save the day ;) I think when you get people like that then suddenly it seems like everyone is a ****, but I'm sure it's not the case ;)

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    1. true! conversely, we were watching the boob tube yesterday and someone said, "if I'm nice to you, you take that away and are more likely to be nice to the next person, and so on and so on..."

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  12. Ah yeah, smoking right in front of your window... an every day occurrence in Germany. We moved back to the U.S. and there's a whole lot less of that, but yes, in Munich it was *every* day and I felt like as a non-smoker I was in the minority. Even the kids parks were immaculate save for the cigarette butts all over the place. Thought that was so weird. But, good that you met some friendly folks over in Portland! They are really sweet.

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  13. Thanks for the reminder about why moving back to LA or into any large city might prove difficult after a 20 year hiatus. Originally from CA same rule applies about making eye contact, etc. Now living in Northern Wi. of all places and here we have time for chatting to our checkout gal, waving to anyone driving a similar vehicle and making eye contact with everyone in town. The downside...closest fabric store, museum, and starbucks 1 hour south..but no traffic..ever!! Might make Manhattans for cocktail-thirty tonight in front of the fire, Thanks:)

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i thankya truly for taking the time to comment, i love a good conversation-- and hope you know my thanks are always implied, if not always written!