12.09.2017

Sewing Gifts to get YOU for the Holidays.

oonaballoona | by marcy harriell | Sewing Gifts to get YOU for the Holidays.

I love these "gifts for sewists lists" that are popping up everywhere! I love them because they masquerade as advice for civilians! Ninja, please (we've been watching iZombie, which is wonderful), civilians ain't reading these holiday gift list posts! EVERYONE KNOWS WE SEWISTS ARE THE ONES TAKING COPIUS AND DETAILED NOTES OF SHINY NEW SEWING ITEMS FOR WHEN WE RETURN THOSE NOVELTY SLIPPERS AND BATHROBES!

Let's be real here: this list is what to get YOU for the holidays. Or ME, if you like me.

I'm pretty sure I could be forgiven for decorating Ye Old Rainbow Yarn Bombed Christmas Tree with two dozen of these, and repurposing them immediately as sewing shelf decor, when the mistletoe has wilted.

They say it's a gift for barbers. I say they're missing a whole world of uber obsessed people with good money to spend.

Tape. Dispenser. Caddy. One is a cat, the official mascot of sewists.

Listen, don't get your hand made panties in a bunch, if you're a dog person, that's cool too. I mean, I don't get it, per se, because y'all have to, like, GO OUTSIDE IN RAIN AND SNOW AND SLEET AND PICK UP THE FECAL MATTER OF ANOTHER ORGANISM, but really, that's cool. You do you. While you're doing you (and doo doo), slap something sewing related on your mutt so you can zen out on the half finished party dress that awaits you, once you finish tying up that plastic baggie.

The best inexpensive scissors, if your hands hurt from cutting out that party dress with those shiny metal jobs.

The best expensive for what it is solution to stopping said hands from snagging and pulling the expensive fabric you bought for that party dress.

Of course, you'll want to have the proper decoration for those hands, especially when shooting your fabric haul on youtube and whatnot. (But no really, click that link, the product picture needs a little cleaning up and it's making my eye twitch and I have to know if it makes yours twitch too.)

Maybe you're thinking, HEY MAN, I like to keep my nails tidy with CLIPPERS, and don't categorize me in your DOG AND CAT WORLD, man, I'm a FISH person, fish never lie down on your fabric and they make wonderful sewing desk companions. And I'm all STOP YELLING.  I got you, fishy fishy.

Or maybe you just drink like a fish. And since you're a sewist, the liquid is probably gin. I am equal parts thrilled and utterly dismayed by gin's resurgence, as gin has been my thing since before gin was cool. I have a hard time with things getting cool. Example: Harry Potter books. I loved them, they got cool, I felt oddly tricked, I abandoned Harry Potter. However, gin, being a delicious alcoholic beverage, has escaped this fate. My favorite under-the-radar, inexpensive (comparatively, gin now being cool) choice that beats many craft-hip-gins out there is Broker's. It comes with a little plastic bowler hat on it! I'm not linking to the gin, because I think that makes this a 21 and over joint. Drink responsibly, yo.

Speaking of drinking, here are some vessels that aren't adorned with the prerequisite kitty (or the lesser known dog or fish). Have a skull shot glass for that gin (please sip, don't slug. I'm not as much worried about your health as I am your level of classiness). Caffeine your go-to? Here's a mug that will let everyone know you will level them if they come between you and your sewing juice.

You can't have a sewist's gift list without touting a few of these. Sewing machines that: operate your ceiling fan, decorate your tree, make music, and produce fire.

AND PRODUCE FIRE.

I'm out.

the amazon links in this post are affiliated, and most of them will make you laugh. some of them will make you realize that there are ridiculous things out there that you never knew you needed, until that crazy girl you follow, who sometimes talks about sewing, got it in her head very late last night, and with the help of some gin, to write a gag post which turned into a list of ridiculous things SHE never knew she needed.  

23 comments:

  1. Oh you had a good time last night! Next year I'm drinking what you're drinking 😉

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    1. i highly recommend it, i have great taste in booze ;)

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  2. That NAIL, I mean they had one job! Sadly my imbibing last night did not result in a hilarious post where I found a gift for my picky matriarch. You made my hangover and gift anxiety better, thank you!

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    1. RIGHT?! What happened there?!! Hopefully you've found that gift for momma...

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  3. Awesome! I really don't need a scissor bracelet..... do I??????

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    1. I mean, you really, WE really, really do.

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  4. OMG!!! Your new calling!! You're better than GOOP!!!! Hee hee!

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    1. HAHAAAA! I feel like I could work out some sort of OONA list....

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  5. When I saw "Sewing machines that... produce fire" I was reminded of the wisdom I heard recently - "Any machine can be a smoke machine if you use it wrong enough."

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  6. Hysterical! You just made the usual ho-hum sewing gift list into hahaha.I followed all the links, laughing all the way. Top notch comedy writing too.

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    1. Well thankya! I feel I've been knighted with this unexpected drop-by :)

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  7. Omigawd! That one nail with the massacred cuticle... forget eye-twitching! my whole body is writing in pain at that, a) coz I've been maimed in a similar fashion, and b) coz they posted that picture.

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    1. YIKES. Terrible, right? I can't tell if it's a maiming, or just excess white glue. Either way...so much fail.

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  8. Local distillery, Fainting Goat Spirits, has just had its gin named a gold medal winner in the San Francisco World Spirits Competition. Emulsion American Gin. They first released it last October. I am nearing the bottom of my third bottle -- nursing this one because the first two disappeared perhaps too quickly for decent folk to admit to drinking.

    Their vodka, Tiny Cat, also took a gold medal.

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    1. Third bottle? Now that's a recommendation! I'm also fond of the names. Tiny Cat Vodka, what synchronicity.

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  9. Girl, no. I’ve had a glass file and it’s like intentionally dragging your nails on a chalkboard. That’s why they only show up as a must-have item every 10 years... to sucker in a new batch. Don’t do it!

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    1. lolol! I never thought of it that way-- man, I love my glass file! That's how I feel about the wooden (?ish?) files...they make me shudder. So funny!

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  10. Oh yes! I do need some of those things! Great list. I am totally getting a set of those fan pulls for my sewing room (that I don't actually have yet)

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    1. If you get the fan pulls, the room will come. (I think that's how the rule goes.)

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  11. I made my husband back up to re-watch a commercial because I kept thinking "Who is that? I know that face!" only to realize it was you! It took a very long time to explain how I "know" you to my husband. I still don't think he really gets it . . . too funny! Anyway, Merry Christmas!

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i thankya truly for taking the time to comment, i love a good conversation-- and hope you know my thanks are always implied, if not always written!