12.03.2013

if a tree is yarn bombed in the forest


Soooo, whatchadid this turkeyday? Me? Oh nothing much just me and Brilliant Chica YARN BOMBED MY CHRISTMAS TREE.

HELLZ YEAH Y'ALL!

And it went a little somethin' like this:

Boys in the kitchen, cooking. As they do. Girls in the living room, plotting and drinking. As we do. All is right with the world. Chica!!! Ruggy says he doesn't even mind if the Christmas tree is up for Thanksgiving! He even put a holiday station on for me while we were cleaning for y'all!!!

Really?  Brilliant Chica gulped. Wow. He IS guilty about that bathroom.



Laughter ensued, as it is wont to do upon mention of le bain. We lamented, as we have done for 2 thanksgivings now, the lack of a gold metal tree. We googled, as we have done for 2 thanksgivings now, for a speedy cheap option. I like the squiggly one, Chica declared. No can do, too seussical for me, I replied with a sense of ‪déjà vu‬. We get into a lively discussion, as we have done for 2 thanksgivings now, about the possible connection of Dr Seuss's palm trees and my hate/love relationship with the (clearly mental) state of California.

This wee tree is interesting.... we click the image, and rear back at the price tag. Oh, Urban Outfitters. You so crazy. Fifty dollas for a yarn wrapped twig. Defeated, we pulled ourselves out of the treematrix, resigned to the white branchy duct taped job that has held court for 3 years. Plus, it was time for Ruggy & Mad Chef's homemade pizza. Oh I'm sorry, let me correct that, IT WAS TIME FOR THE FOOD OF THE GODS. Shrimp! Caramelized onions! Capers! BBQ sauce! Pears! Cheese! Italian sausage! NOT NECESSARILY SEPARATE!


The melding of ingredients caused another fusion: what if we wrap branchy tree in some sort of metal....Chica breathed in ponderous tones. I slapped the couch. YES. HELL YES. YOU GOT YOUR CHOCOLATE IN MY PEANUT BUTTER. THAT IS BRILLIANT WE ARE DOING THAT.

(I didn't say the chocolate part but that was the intention.)

The next day, boys continued to do their kitchen thing, and girls marched off, in the rain, to nine different stores in four hours. The metal was elusive, to say the least.  Chica lost her mind in Papyrus. Why don't we wrap it in ribbon that would totally work you don't even KNOW-- I raised my eyebrows, visions of a bandaged tree limping in my head, and escorted her to a cappuccino.


Our prize was found, of course, at the last store we went to, aaallll the way up on 100th street at Michaels: a gold toned ombre lace yarn. The look of metal with the wrappiness of yarn?! We had hit the jackpot! Oooh while we're here, lemme just grab some pine cones for the windowboxes, it'll be ever so festive. As we turned the corner from the no-mans-land of Frames into Holiday Decor, a stench of 90 proof cinnamon smacked us in the face, like the malevolent fog in the Hunger Games. Oh god, put them down! The smell is coming from the pinecones! THE SMELL IS COMING FROM THE PINECONES!!! DON'T TOUCH YOUR EYES!!!

We dropped sacks of burning cinnamon, fled towards the checkout, were briefly detained by the lure of dollar bin toys, and finally emerged from the hellmouth victorious.

The tree was wrapped to the soundtrack of 80s pop and 90s emo. The boys, occasionally glancing from the kitchen, were excited by our progress.  Hey gals, Mad Chef chirped, you know what you're making?!

NOooooooooOOOh! we eagerly sang, expecting the proper response: A work of art! Beauty like nothing we've ever seen before! SPUN GOLD!  

BARK,  both boys cried in unison.


As I opened my mouth to utter the phrase we've all come to know and love, Ruggy quickly amended: you know, like a birch tree.

And it's Ruggy for the save!  What bathroom?!

The tree, however, will need some armed guards to keep it protected. Chica has already decided we're hanging it from the ceiling next year.  

Our first thanksgiving avec tree! There's no hope for Ruggy now, the rule has been broken, it's tradition. Oh yeah, and I found a use for the rest of that off grain bandana print.


34 comments:

  1. Laugh, laugh, I thought I'd cry!

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  2. Ahahahahaha, my mother had a box of those weird cinnamon-scented pine cones when I was growing up-- to this day if I smell someone chewing Big Red gum I think of Christmas! I like your golden-barked tree! It's festive and fun, like you! Sadly I'm due for a Michael's trip this week (with my mother nonetheless)-- PRAY FOR ME! Holiday season Michael's madness isn't high on my list of fun things to do, but when one must make Christmas ornaments, one must get thee to Michael's!

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    1. oh god. godspeed, woman. we tried our best to avoid it but there's no denying the michaels!

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  3. ..you got your choc in my peanut butter.... what a { PEACH }!

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  4. Love the elegant gold yarn- barked tree. Genius!

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  5. love it! can't believe they charge $50 for a much less awesome tree! and that pizza looks pretty fab as well (my fave is caramelized onion with thyme, sliced apples and white cheddar)

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    1. ooooh that's on the pizza list! i totally keep a pizza list.

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  6. What an awesome idea!!! My mom wanted a tinsel tree for a long time, so one year (when I was much younger, but still old enough to know better) I wrapped our cheap fake tree in tin foil. It um... was not as chic looking as your yarn bombed tree lol. It definitely looked like a giant baked potato/rocket ship love child. Did I mention I had to tape the lights to it? Yeah. That was an awesome Christmas.

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    1. ah! we almost went the tin foil route, i laughed out loud at your baked potato tree!

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  7. Fabulous!!! There isn't anything I don't love about this post! Thanks for making me so dang happy this morning!

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  8. So clever, so you. I hope Santa brings you a finished bathroom for Christmas! xo

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  9. oh, oona, you evil genius, you. what bathroom, indeed?

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  10. Leave it to you to create such a glamorous Thanksgiving tree!

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  11. LA Mental ?? NEVER! Well.. I have actually been meaning to move away for awhile now....

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    1. hurry! before it takes over your brain!!!!!!!

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  12. OK, glittery tree bark - great! Thanksgiving Tree Tradition born - great. Off-grain bandana used - great. Storytelling great, but .... but .... WHO sat at the kiddie table next to the Oona doppleganger?

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    1. ah, debbie, GOOD EYE! my little nephews, age 8 & 5 (i could be wrong, i always get that wrong). i had a moment of terror when i realized they'd be eating beneath a headless dummy (she freaks ruggy out constantly) but they didn't bat an eye.

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  13. This is amazing!! I love reading stories of the happs over at chez Kalkatroona!! It makes me wish I was all extrovert-y and hostess-y like ;o)

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    1. except that i was stressed out and accused of being insecure all day! ah, family.

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  14. Magnificent, magnificent tree! Looks way better than the UO version!

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  15. I didn't sleep enough last night to have the brain power to write a witty comment, but I will say that I enjoyed your story, and I really enjoyed your tree!

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  16. I'm making Onion Jam (DOMESTIC GODDESS) right now, so LOVE the caramalised onions for the pizza... now I'm thinking your tree could be lots of delish caramalised onion rings as well. Sparkly ones!

    xoxo

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    1. onion. jam. brain. melting. MUST. HAZ....

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  17. Oh, my eyes started watering when I read about the 'eye-searing cinnamon pinecones'. I try to avoid all of those places during the Christmas season; I swear whatever chemicals they use to approximate 'cinnamon on steroids' melts your brain. Makes you want to take a big gulp of not so clean city air before you run in to do the buy, doesn't it? How long can you hold your breath???

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    1. i think joanns & michaels have a pact!

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  18. HAhahaha!! I love it!! I think a sparkly birch tree sounds wonderfully festive! Also, looks like a fantastic Thanksgiving!

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  19. Ohhh....those cinnamon pine cones need to be declared Haz Mat : ) Your tree is adorable!

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  20. Hi. Lar. I. Ous.

    "90 proof cinnamon" <---just added to the mental rolodex

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  21. Big hug to y'all - it looks amazing...everything!! :)

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  22. I laughed my @ss off when I read about the pinecone assault/battery...the same thing happened to me in Wal-Mart the other day. My eyes started watering 2 aisles away!!! Many thanks for sharing your tree...loverly!

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  23. Such a lovely tree. I don't think I'll be able to have anything similar, until my kid is a teenager. She insists on the green tree (with lots of pink around it) yearly. O.o

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  24. Very sweet set-up, Miss Oona. We have yet to get our tree, although we talked about wrapping the palm-tree-thing in the living with lights in the meantime.

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i thankya truly for taking the time to comment, i love a good conversation-- and hope you know my thanks are always implied, if not always written!