12.19.2011

evil dead christmas


our holidays started december first, when we visited our much missed hollow legged amigos in their new abode. full of unstoppable christmas cheer, we decided to try a seasonal lights hayride.  we brought The Child.  at the very beginning, one excited patron stood up to take a picture.  SIT DOWN NOW, the head farmhand blared.  Hot Mama and i muttered merry friggin christmas to each other, and we were off.


the first stop was santa's workshop, where elves who obviously pulled double duty for halloween hayrides stuck sharp objects into mysterious boxes.


this one needed no weapon.  just rocked gleefully up and down, hands poised for choking.  

they parked us in santa's lair for a good five minutes.  i think their goal was to scare us into submission.  it worked: even though head farmhand disappeared some time during the workshop layover, no one dared to get up again.  

the ride continued.


that unoccupied swing by the obviously haunted mansion swung slowly back and forth of its own volition.  listen, ruggy breathed, you can hear it creaking.  indeed you could, loud and clear over the christmas tunes blaring on the cart we were all prisoners on.


killer clown racing across the steaming fields.


WHAT THE HELL IS IN THAT GIANT GINGERBREAD HOUSE.


nothing says christmas like the holiday classic "proud to be an american".  complete with lighted flag.  the withered hands appeared somewhere around the last verse. 



on the left: unsuspecting fools.  on the right: freedom.

we left scarred for life.  The Child left asleep.

19 comments:

  1. Next time take me with you. I'm really handy when it comes to Evil Dead. I mean, how many shows do you know that have been (and are being) filmed in Atlanta?

    How many of them involve Zombie Apocalypse? During rush hour. So. Rude.

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  2. I think Tim Burton was inspired by this very nightmare. Aren't you glad you didn't decide to do the charming hayride on Christmas Eve? Maybe in 20 years or so the horror will have faded to the extent that this is just one of those funny holiday stories you tell each year.

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  3. Where the F is this place?!?! Demented Christmas, USA?! Wow...

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  4. That tour and your editorializing is one of the great funnies of the year.Couldn't stop laughing....DH is preparing medications now.

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  5. Yeesh! You didn't pay to see that did you?! At least it doesn't sound like the Child was bothered. She wouldn't have fallen asleep if she was.

    That's a bummer. Around here we just drive past people's houses and look at the Christmas lights, or go to the "luminary" (thousands of candles in glass jars along a path--so pretty!) at the arboretum.

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  6. "Merry Christmas To All,
    And To All A Good AAAAAAAARGGGHHHH--"


    (OK seriously, word verification: "whaphype". Like, yo, that christmas display was baaaad. Whaaaaaphyyype??)

    (Fine. I'm tired. So sue me.)

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  7. Oh my gosh, that is too funny!

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  8. I laughed, I really laughed at this. I lived next door to someone whose lawn ornaments served double duties for various holidays--they never left the lawn. I was frightened of their Rudolph. At least was there hot chocolate?

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  9. Did someone get December mixed up with October? Wow.

    and I'm proud to say that I knew exactly which movie you were referencing when I saw the title. though I like the 3rd one best, Army of Darkness... by then they knew it was comedy, not horror, that they had produced. (unlike Evil Dead 1 -- when they were trying for horror and missed miserably.

    Loved the post, Oona!

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  10. Egads! I HATE clowns! Talk about Chucky Does Christmas....spooky!

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  11. I'm gonna have nightmares about those HANDS?!?!?!?!?!?

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  12. BD heard me laughing so hard I got the hiccups, needless to say he was laughing his head off too--great story Oona!

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  13. I watched The Exorcist for the first time last night. This ride looks way scarier!

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  14. Oh, mercy! I can't breathe; I am laughing so hard that I'm choking. I 'specially like the bit about the flag. Y'all have a very merry Christmas, y'hear?

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  15. @ EVERYONE: merry christmas! glad i could bring you a mugful of horror.

    @ ladykatza: "you drive like a zombie". i LIKE it.

    @ katrina: i'm already there. the whole time i was thinking, this was SO worth the drive.

    @ ginger: isn't it horrible? down south, baby.

    @ nancy: i hope they involve alcohol.

    @ CG: oh yes, money was exchanged. in the double digits. (i love luminaries!)

    @ beangirl: whaaaaaphype is up with that definition.

    @ amy: mais oui, of the tap water variety. alos, Hot Mama took one sip and deemed it lukewarm chocolate. i passed when i saw the velveeta nachos for sale.

    @ rachael: i STILL haven't seen army of darkness, so maybe i'd like it best-- but ED2 is my favorite, with that constant monologue going. the hand part is genius.

    @ eileen: i KNEW a little horror would bring you back!!!

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  16. Those are the creepiest Christmas displays I have ever seen. And take unsuspecting people, who think they are going on a nice ride to Santa's Village and subject them to disturbing looking characters.

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i thankya truly for taking the time to comment, i love a good conversation-- and hope you know my thanks are always implied, if not always written!