oona in the sky with deadbeats

home again home again, jiggetty jig.  by the hair of my chinny chin chin.

on the flight home, i passed the time editing these pictures i took about a month ago, of a wearable muslin inspired by my hipster camo version of debi's traveling pattern.  though i'll tell ya, there was plenty enough to occupy me.  that was about the most ghetto flight i've ever been on.  when the seatbelt sign dinged at the end of the five and a half hour trip, people crashed out of their seats.  BANG.  like, roller derby.  i told my row mates i wouldn't be surprised if peeps started throwing punches.

my center row mate was a child.

his parents sat four rows behind us.

so 9C and i were essentially babysitters for the five and a half hour flight.

there's a reason i don't have children.

lookee there!  darts that point where they're supposed to point!

actually, the child was lovely.  a charming redheaded little boy of about nine?  maybe eleven?  i don't know, all children seem to hover around the age of two to me.  but woo-EEE, the rest of the flight was hurtling towards extinction, refusing to sit during turbulence, chasing toddlers up and down the aisle, yelling to friends in the back of the plane, opening suitcases on the floor and strewing contents in front of drink carts, lounging with bare feet propped up on the heads of the seats in front of them.  good times.  

but Charming Boy was very well behaved-- and utterly bored, as his parents had basically abandoned him with three bags of sugar and no means of entertainment.  now, yes, the airline separated their seats, so what could they do, but they didn't even try to ask one of us to switch with.  so i'm tagging them Ma 'n Pa Abandoner. JUDGED.  when i boarded the plane and realized Charming Boy was not related to the woman in 9C, i began to offer my window seat to the "anxious" mother hovering in the aisle.  she saw it coming and fended me off with an oh i just wanted to make sure he doesn't bother you okay be good SEE YA, turned her back on us and scampered off to her exit row seat beside equally unconcerned Pa Abandoner.

i made the back very low (obviously).  i had betty draper and julia bobbin's mad men challenge in mind, but alas, time got the best of me.  i think this orange dress looks so good by the water... must be why i put the turquoise invisible zip in there.

speaking of chlorinated liquids, somebody drugged the water on the plane and they gave away headsets for free, to entertainment-less Charming Boy's luck.  still,  unamused by the movie offering of hugo, he ventured to Ma 'n Pa Abandoner's row for something electronic.  victorious, he came back with a cellphone, which was on, and not in the safe way, cheerfully announcing he'd pass the time by texting.

we had a little teaching moment about airplanes and cellphones.  he was amazed.

but lo and behold!  the drinks cart came.  a diversion!  i ordered my usual ginger ale (i know, you expect more of me, but i'm not about to fork over seven bucks for a shitty glass of airplane merlot.  the kalkatroonaans got me plenty buzzed on sea breezes beforehand, thankyaverymuch).  Charming Boy ordered a sierra mist.  i was instantly and wholeheartedly enraged by his choice.  all natural ingredients!  no high fructose crack syrup!  it is now my go-to airplane drink.  

however.  still high from the wacky water, the attendants were feeling generous, and gave us all cans.  tempering this odd behavior, they did not give us the little dinky napkins that keep the cans from sliding around the tray table.  five minutes later, Charming Boy had a lapfull of soda.  flight attendants suddenly losing their power of sight (one stared right at me, strolling slowly by as i asked her three times for help), 9C took it upon herself to find towels, while i assured the tyke it was not his fault.  seeing the heavy activity and distressed faces in her son's row, Ma Abandoner craned her neck forward with just the proper soupcon of concern on her face.  i stared at her, expecting her to mouth a question to me, or possibly GET UP OUT OF HER ROW AND COME OVER TO SEE WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH HER YOUNG SON, but no, it was just for appearance's sake.  selective blindness was apparently contagious in economy class.  9C came back, we got him cleaned up, and used the plastic safety cards to construct a dry seat.  but doesn't the airline need that? he blinked.  they'll get new ones.  i think they can afford it, i drily retorted.

wouldja get a load of those pretty guts?  i actually lined a bodice.

the lining of the seat wore thin, and Charming Boy remained damp.  on a drying venture to the restroom, he came back with an ipad.  AN IPAD.  Ma Abandoner had it in her arsenal the entire time.  look y'all, i get it.  she saw an opportunity for five and a half hours of free babysitting and took it.  BUT GIVE THE KID THE IPAD.

he had to give it back after thirty minutes.

he was quite lucky to be in that row.  and i have to say, 9C stepped it up way more than i did.  i just didn't have the energy to entertain him, endearing as he was.  she showed him all of her stunning shots she'd just taken from amazing heights in new york (think dangling edges of skyscrapers), she being a professional photographer.  do you think she's a photographer too? Charming Boy asked, thumbing at me.  she's got TONS of pictures of herself.

i almost did a spit take, choosing instead to let them think my earphones blocked their conversation.  maybe she is, 9C answered with the perfect warm tone of your most adored teacher.  this is a very creative row!

she really was fabulous with the boy.

hells yeah it was a creative row.  i just wasn't in my normal state of bragginess.  using the original pattern as a jumping off point, i made up the bodice myself.  it's got some crazy darts in the back to keep the scoop neck in place.  and i got all fancy with this fabric, using dye for the first time.  this was the color of the horrid joann's cotton apres box of orange rit.  the fabric had been in storage for five years, i bought it when i was first teaching myself to sew.  i can't tell you what i was possibly thinking.  i don't even know what to call this mauve void of color.   at the end of the wash cycle, i called it Better.

at the end of the flight, after fisticuffs were avoided, i wished Charming Boy good luck.  i would have so liked to wait for Ma 'n Pa Abandoner to reach the aisle, so that i might give them the stink eye, but i was too excited to get back to ruggy.  

and really, their loss anyway.  he was a delight.