written last night

It's been an up and down day. The correct phrase is rollercoaster, but that doesn't fit, as it was intimate happy ups, and quiet thoughtful downs. More of a lilting ferris wheel than say, the topsy turvy arms-free legs-dangling Batman coaster at Great Adventure. 

That's right, I said topsy turvy.

I've been thinking about my grandmother all week long. The one that I called nan, the one that left before all others did, the one that I wish was still here almost every day. The only reason I don't wish it daily is that it makes me too sad to think about it. But she's my inspiration for this week's sew weekly challenge, so there it is.

I was going to finish this challenge today. I had hours to myself, the house to myself, no obligations... and no sewing mojo. 

Mind you, when I awoke this fine sunny morning, the project was 90 percent complete. But when I approach ye olde finish line, I start to think about what I want to write. And as I needed to write about what made the garment her, it sent me out of wistful thinking straight down Old Memory Lane, with a long convoluted detour on Regret Avenue. I couldn't sew for thinking about it.

I can't even write about it properly. I feel like a middle schooler writing an essay. Death sucks.

(It doesn't help that Rob is suddenly out of town for a day and a half. That's like two weeks to me.)

So. Luckily, my dear friend called me out of the blue and announced that he knew I was sitting there cooped up by myself sewing all day and he was getting me out to go ride the carousel with The Child while Pregnant Earth Mama took a nap. 

You can't say no to that, whatever mood you might be in. I threw on my outdoor fancies and left.

The last time I rode this was my birthday seven years ago, I told him. Were you sober?  he asked.

Surprisingly, YES.

The Child loved it. We all loved it. I waved goodbye to them in the park and headed grinning to the burdastyle celebration at purl soho, and had a rocking good time with the most awesome sewing peeps. On a whim, I bought a little Teneriffe lace making kit, although busy-hands crafts are not my kind of thing.

Got home. Eyed Nan's challenge on the ironing board. Sighed, opened the sampled Malbec that my wine guy was so kind to offer me (we are, shall we say, very good customers), and watched some old Project Runway.

That is, until dear friend called again and said: you're on. 

Now I'm at their apartment, watching The Sleeping Child, as they venture out to have their second baby. I've got my lace making kit to pass the time. Lucky, as blogger is in read-only mode right now and I can't pass the time posting this, or reading your blogs-- and god knows I have NO idea how to work their remote control. That thing is from another planet.

Life is nice. There's another one coming into the world very soon. I wish Nan were here to see it.


  1. What a beautiful story - so pregnant with hope, and love and longing and fulfillment. Congrats to you and your friends. Aren't you glad you bought the lace kit? Busy hand crafts help when you're waiting.

  2. It's funny you posted this story today. I was at an estate sale this morning giddy with the prospect of getting to some awesome vintage patterns before anyone else, when I wandered into the cutest vintage kitchen. But somehow the sights and smells brought tears to my eyes and I had to take a minute to pull myself together. It just took me back to my grandmother's kitchen. I miss her terribly and when she died I cried every day for nearly a year.

    Death stings and sometimes you just have to let yourself have a minute to stop and miss her. I know you'll be back to your normal, fiesty, technicolored self in no time.


  3. Thank you for writing about your Nan, she sounds like a beautiful, wonderful person. The challenge this week had me thinking about my Grandma too, I really miss her, she's the only Grandma I ever knew. I wish I had the sewing mojo to join in this week, I love the idea of being connected to Grandma across the decades by an outfit we each made. When you feel able, I look forward to seeing your dress, I'm sure it will make your nan proud.

    I'm also thinking of you in the absence of Ruggy - I know how hard and sucky that can be. I'm glad you have a wonderful family and friends to look out for you, not to mention that bottle of malbec. Take care of yourself Oona, death certainly does suck but I hope you can find some comfort and happiness in the good memories.

    Oh, and next topic for consideration: Sewing for BABIES: Is there a point?

  4. And isn't it nice that "orphaned" Oona was around to watch The Child when it was getting a sibling?

  5. Its the most random things that get me thinking about my Mom (who passed almost 5 years ago). I have to be somewhat purposeful about not thinking too long about it, or I get all weepy and then everyone feels bad, etc (except Hubby who is good at just letting me weep it out).

    We must learn to accept the pain and grief, I think, that's how healing comes. And working on the Nan-project seems a route.

  6. sewom: thank you for that beautiful comment. it really made me smile. as for the lace, i couldn't wrap my head around it! but trying to figure it out still very much passed the time...

    tia: it's just like that, out of the blue right? i think having out-of-the-blue be every-day-for-a-week was just too much! i hope you found something happy in that vintage kitchen to take home and remind you of your grandmother :). and i've been calling myself technicolor girl all day, by the way :)

    amanda: thank you for sharing your grandma. i hope you get some time to sew your homage-- who cares if it's not done by the end of the week??? i love the idea of the outfits connecting you, it would've helped to think about it that way. ruggy is back, felt like he was gone three years... and i spent much of the day sewing for... BABIES. hmmm. more on that soon.

    hana: perfectly put!!! i did feel like supergirl, usually ruggy saves the day in these matters while i sew :)

    rachael: it's surprising how sad it still is after years have passed. many kudos to Hubby for getting that! i agree... the project was a route. i just took a wrong turn at albuquerque...


i thankya truly for taking the time to comment, i love a good conversation-- and hope you know my thanks are always implied, if not always written!