in the beginning

Once upon a time, Ruggian Mom rang us in Kalkatroona, quite excited over some impending permanent guests. These magical visitors would soon serenely wander her mountain top home, spreading their feathers, gracing us with their prehistoric presence. Isn't it exciting? She asked, bubbly, just knowing I would share in her excitement.

ARE YOU CRAZY THOSE BIRDS WILL BE THE END OF ANY PEACE YOU HAVE was my exact response. THEY SHRIEK LIKE IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD THEY ARE MEAN INSANE THINGS THEY ATTACK YOU AND BLOCK TWO TON CARS FROM GOING ANYWHERE AND THEY WILL WAKE YOU AT TWO IN THE MORNING FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!

Ruggian Mom was surprised at my passionate response to a situation she was sure I would jump into with both feet. Yes, I am ordinarily game for most things out of the ordinary, but you must understand, at this point, I had heard several horror stories about these creatures. (I may have also been hormonal.) Hands down, the funniest cautionary tale was emilykate's australian mafiosa peacock. I quote: "you're never going to have a good encounter with a peacock."

But the homing pen was already built, so in they came. We visited, sure to be repeatedly accosted physically and mentally by the things... and instead found a docile peacock and peahen, timid really, and only too happy to sit in their pen and eat blueberries delicately out of our outstretched hands. And for the rest of that visit, I was teased: Oh ooooooona, those peacocks are SO mean, aren't they? I'm scared to go outside!

Alright, whatever, I can admit it when i'm wrong. (I can, really, just not out loud.) Maybe only australian peacocks are lunatics, I thought. After all, isn't everything more dangerous over there? I fed them berries, and gazed at their feathers, and ended up oohing and aahing with the best of them.

And now, just one short year later, oh! They've grown so much. One might even say they're teenagers, the boy being very interested in the girl, the feathered plumage growing in color and length, ah! Such a wonder is nature.

Cut to: Four-in-the-morning wake up calls from what you're sure must be a coked out woman in dire peril or a housecat on steroids. That would be the boy one. He's ticked off because the girl one is SO not into him.

Ruggian Mom says, we'll just let the girl out of the pen. He'll calm down, and she's so sweet. It's true. Juliet picks berries from Ruggy's hand and proceeds to follow him from window to window throughout the house like he's her new boyfriend. And Romeo ceases his incessant yelling for the night.

So yeah, let's let that cock out too. How bad could it be?

This morning, I awoke to a trail of brilliant feathers gliding past my bedroom window. Seconds later, Romeo was gazing at me, beautiful blue head clicking from side to side. I AM wrong, I thought. It really IS nice to have these strange birds floating around. It's magical! So special to wake up to th---

THWACKBANGKICK KICK KICK

Romeo hurls himself at the window inches away from my face in what I am told is an attempt to battle the peacock he sees in the reflection. It looks more like he wants to battle ME.

I sit up, blink, get dressed, as boy bird continues to brain himself against the glass. By the time I leave the bedroom, he's caterwauling.

That's him, poised to strike.

BIRD. Just so you know: I am always right. And I would WIN. You best bring an army.

how to fill a bar cart on the cheap.

so. last week, i returned the silk gown i made for wee pixie.  there was some tugging involved.  some promises extracted about giving it back, should pixie ever grow tired of it.  my dream was that she'd admit boredom with it right there, and respectfully hand it over.  really, how many times can you wear a one of a kind bias cut topstitched green silk evening gown?  maybe i should've offered her money?  name my firstborn after her?

yet, i'm considering taking on sewing for friends again.

am i stupid?  

while the gown left me with a severe case of maker's remorse, i did recently complete another sew-body else challenge that left me walking on air, and it wasn't even a request.  in a fit of spring fever, i up and  offered to make my sis-in-law a dress.  i envisioned something simple, something she could learn to make as i made it, out of cotton, with maybe a fitted waistband.  no first-time-failure polyester-masquerading-as-silk for her, like i did!  it had to end in success, so that the sewing bug would bite her swiftly and surely.  she countered with ideas of what she'd really like: a cotton skirt, and two of my double agent dress (tutorial, i swear, is coming).  okay!  i could see that ending in smiles!  and she could be the guinea pig for my tute!  i pulled out the proper patterns and got her size ready, and on The Day she arrived at my doorstep with the carefully selected oona approved list of supplies.

umm, only, the two yards of four way stretch jersey and one yard of light cotton turned into three yards of Thick. Double Sided.  almost Neoprene material... which she had her heart set on making into a tailored top and pencil skirt.  erm, actually, a REVERSIBLE tailored top and pencil skirt.

confident the day would end in tears, i had a mini heart attack, pushed all prepared patterns to the side, and poured some coffee.  and by some miracle, at the end of the day she had exactly what she wanted.  she was thrilled with the results, i was thrilled that i could do it (it is SO much easier to pin on a warm body that isn't your own), and because she saw and helped with the whole process, she really understood how much work went into it.  and she wore it out the very next day!  i was giddy, i tell you.  GIDDY.  it was so satisfying to sew for someone who really got it.  we're doing it again very soon and i can't wait.

BUT.  we all know that's not how it normally goes.  someone sees something handmade on you, and chirps for one.  "oh, except could you do that ruffle-y thing i saw in marie claire and i'd love pockets and hey wouldn't chiffon be cool?  that wouldn't be hard right?  'kthnxbye!"  so.  i thought it might be a good idea to come up with some ground rules.  (sis-in-law, these are not for you.  you have the run of my sewing mill.)

friend requesting a garment shall heretofore be referred to as "the choosee".

1.  first and foremost, if the choosee should be deemed to have Major Fit Issues, a short beginner's course in sewing a wrap skirt shall be offered instead.

2.  otherwise, the choosee shall pick from patterns designated by oona, and only patterns designated by oona. no grabby hands at a one-off garment on oona's person, or pointing eagerly to something in a shop window. (unless it is a rectangular caftan maxi dress as sold by anthropologie for upwards of three hundred dollars.  i'm not shitting you.  four seams.  true story.)

3.  the choosee shall pay for all fabric, notions, and a pack of schmetz needles in the proper size and type.

3a.  a bottle of alcohol would also be nice.

4.  the choosee shall be given a list of said items, and shall do all shopping.  oona may accompany if time and mood permits, but the choosee should be ready to go it alone.  

5.  the choosee must be there on The Day of sewing.  this ensures three things:

• any problems with fit can be quickly solved with no guesswork,
• the choosee will therefore be someone oona actually likes; as otherwise, the choosee would not be invited to kalkatroona, and: 
• anyone oona actually likes will be sure to bring a bottle of alcohol.

i know there are plenty more rules to be had here, but that's where i'm at.  i thought you might have more to offer.  do you deign to sew for others?  do you have rules?  what would you add?

girl power

oh hai!  nice to see you.  what have you been up to?  me?  oh, you know, i made a two hour dress.

YA HEARD ME.  come closer, i got somethin' to show ya.  i won't bite.

check it!  do you believe that action?  i have amazed myself.  admittedly, it doesn't take much. 

actually, now that i look at it, the gathering is a bit off center.  no matter, i am still tres pleased with my pairings.

i also need to fix le back du sway.  but, in the two hours i had to sew yesterday, i was hellbent on creating, as i was meeting the definition of sewing inspiration and newly dubbed queen of speed stitching the very next morn:

mizz mena trott!  she blew into town for a whirlwind trip and we were able to grab some breakfast and do some anthropologie stalking.  i'm sure the good ladies at chelsea market thought we were headcases as we picked at seams and embellishments on every garment, exclaiming i could SO make that every three to four minutes. nevertheless, i came away with a scarf and cardigan, and mena left with a snazzy belt that i'm sure you'll be seeing soon in one of her perfect photo shoots.  c'est tres cute.

mena just finished SEVEN colette patterns in seven days-- actually, six days, as the unexpected trip took a day away, so donning a frock that was already completed was really not an option.  some rising to the occasion was most definitely required.  the mistress of the sew weekly is wearing her crepe pattern that she finished on day five of her self inflicted torture challenge, and it just as gorgeous in real life as she is.  

as for the two hour dress: y'all, i just took the yoke of burdastyle's azalea pattern and changed the neckline to a v neck.  then i placed the bottom edge of the front yoke pattern piece on a big ass sheet of paper, and drew a new pattern for the bottom half.  and it goes a little something like this:

SO EASY MAMA! i thought rather than just hear i made a dress you might like to see how i-do what-i-do when-i-do my-loooooove-to-you.

(stevie wonder, anyone?  yes?)

sorry.  i'm a bit excitable today.  i've met such awesome ladies this week (frabjous marina, if only i had a good picture!  decrepit old iphone camera be damned!), and reconnected with fabulous gals already in my life but far away, and hung with glorious chicks i have the great fortune to see often...  can i just say, as a filly who mostly had male friends growing up: confident, natural, talented, funny, giving, caring, outspoken, kick ass ladies ROCK.  

(you rock too, don.  big ups, baby.)

sew weekly sunday: in which i figure it out in the end.

Good lord did I ever suck this challenge.  

Since I cheated on the childhood inspiration theme and used my mom, the madre thought I should use my grandmother (paternal) for this week's challenge. Nan! Wonderful idea! I thought. Think again, kid. And again. And AGAIN: about what she liked, what made her happy, what her style was; or wasn't, since she never bought herself a thing-- so then what was her style? What did she want that she couldn't have, how much did she give up, raising four boys completely alone, why didn't you plant flowers for her front porch more often, call her from college more, even though she would worry you had left if you paused for more than a second... 

'kay, great. Done thinkin? Now make a pretty frock!

She did raise four beautiful boys alone, one of them being my Dad, and she did a bang up friggin job. My Dad is the best.

She didn't always smile in pictures, but she always smiled in life.

She loved the color yellow, though she called it yella. Yella pansies were her favorite flower, she said they had happy faces. Her living room was bright yellow, her bedroom electric blue.

She would take me to the Mall just about every Sunday to shop, and send me home with a bag full of clothes. If something fit well and had a good price, we had to buy two. (For when the first one wore out, naturally.) I think she liked dressing up a girl after all those boys.

We never lived more than ten blocks apart. As a kid I would rollerskate fast as I could down the block to meet her when she returned from work at the bakery. Or maybe it was work at the dry cleaners... either way, it was always work, and I was always happy to see her.

She loved jewelry but had little. What she did have, she rarely wore. She always tied an inexpensive but bright and colorful scarf around her neck when we went out. I still hear her saying let's go up the street. Everyone in town knew her and smiled when they saw her coming.  

Brother Beast and I went to church with her every Sunday. Afterwards, we'd walk to town and get cookies and lunchmeat from the deli and make ham salad sandwiches and play at her house.  

That was the real reason for church on Sunday.

She had two memorials, one in our town, and one in her hometown. Strangers showed up, crying, for real. There was a single mom and young college boy there, and I think he was in school because of her help. I wouldn't doubt it for a minute.

I wore white to her funeral. I never, ever, saw her in black.    

She'd be proud of the fact that this skirt cost five dollars, and that I didn't abandon ship when the vintage Vogue pattern went hella wrong, and that I morphed it into a skirt, and she would like the yella, and the flowers... but I don't think I'll be wearing this again. It's a very sad skirt, and I think it knows it. No matter how much ironing I do, the wrinkles won't come out, even though I move the iron in tiny circles just like she taught me to. Every time I look at it, I do the breathy soundless sigh that lets Ruggy know i'm disturbed.

So that's no good.

Maybe it's just sad with me. Maybe it's someone else's skirt. Maybe i'll give it away-- Nan spent her life giving. It would be kind of perfect. 

YEAH. 

sew weekly sunday: she's gone completely batty

i don't remember many books from my childhood.  i have this awesome gene where i pretty much completely forget any media after finishing it.  i just remember if i liked it, making it possible to take it in again and again for the first time.  it's tres convenient.

actually, as a kid, i do remember drawing pictures of drinks.  drinks made with alcohol.  one drink per page, in a very pretty glass, in very vibrant hues, olive or umbrella or what have you included.

telling?

so there aren't many reads from my formative years that stuck in my mind.  but i love the kiddie books.  they are happy and bright and the best ones are kinda loud.  there are several in my current collection.  my favorite was a gift from ruggy.

stellaluna is a wee fruit bat who goes through quite an ordeal (losing her momma! eating bugs! learning to fly!). author/illustrator janell cannon's love for bats, bugs and other misunderstood creatures inspired her to create award winning programs for kids at public libraries, and now she's got a series of beautiful books.  (there's one on snakes too, i've got it.  i'm hoping for one on spiders.)  

for this week's sew weekly challenge, stellaluna was my inspiration.  naturally, i wanted to make a batwing dress. i flew to my favorite 5 buck a yard jersey shop and searched for something blue, wanting to get the whole night sky thing in.  no blue, but they had this sparkly stuff, and it looked too much like batwings to pass up.

stellaluna is not so good with her wings at first, so instead of a true batwing i used the free twister dress pattern from apfelbluete at burdastyle. and seriously, including printing and taping and cutting and sewing, this dress took thirty minutes to make.

that is, until i decided i had a little too much derriere for the slim fitted skirt, opened up the side seam and went to drapey town.  i pieced the remnants together (i'd only bought one yard of the stuff) and created some width on one hip.  then i made a sort or panel that tapered into the sleeve area... hard to get a good shot of this stuff, but i alternated sides of the material and used the curled edges...

and then of course no bat inspired dress is complete without a little extended bones.  i really wanted there to be like eighty of these curled pieces swooping down the back, so i may grab another yard next time i'm at le chic.

but for now, i'm off to the park to eat fruit.  i've loved your comments on the last couple posts and will holler at you soon!  speaking of hollering, HAPPY MOMMA'S DAY, ALL MY MOMMAS IN THE BATHOUSE!

fabric: stretch jersey with some very man made sparkly stuff thrown in ($5)

patterns: twister dress

year: 2011

notions: none!

time to complete: at first, 30 minutes. i added 3 more hours of work, because i'm bats.

first worn: today

wear again: yes, with big thin gold hoops and brown leather sandals on a warm summer night.

total cost: five buckaroos!

godsakes, not the paisley.

do you know what i've found helps me immensely in my sewing?  tequila.

no, no, actually, this is a much more recent development than my love for the beverage alcoholic.  i've found that when i'm stumped on a project, if i take a break and work on a UFO, i finish said UFO, and i get an ahah! moment on what i took a break on!  that's a win WIN, baby!

(this revelation came to me during my three day birthdaycation last year, when i was working on no less than three projects at all times while ruggy poured wine for me.  i wore something new out every night.)

i'm five minutes away from finishing my sew weekly challenge, but of course i made a very simple one-seam pattern freaking Einstein Harder than it needed to be and i was stumped.  so i drug out this here little number. this is the bottom half seulement to that simplicity pattern i showed y'all last week.  you guys, the project runway patterns rock.  you get like ten patterns for the price of one.  find them on sale?  that's a win WIN, baby.  

the fabric for this came in great big flowered square panels, surrounded by a paisley border, surrounded by white.  i loved this print so much i was afraid to do anything to it.  so i cut away the white, sewed what was left together and made a cape.

so not a good idea.

(yeeeaaahhhh purple invisible topstitched zip!)

i ripped it up one day and embarked on this skirt.  only at first, it was a mini skirt.  umm, i was in a phase, a micro mini phase in the middle of winter, no less; i really don't know what that was about.  having snapped out of it, i realized i would not ever never wear the skirt in its hoochie mama condition, so into the bag it went.

however, i had my scraps.  i ALWAYS have my scraps.  and i had plans, BIG plans, i tell ya, to use the floral scraps to extend the bottom of the skirt.  not, i repeat, NOT the paisley scraps.  they were deemed unusable, since i had already used that pattern for the waistband.  too matchy.

then we celebrated our friend's birthday with a big ass surprise fancy dinner and i used up the flower scraps to make a temporary table runner.  she loves flowers.  and purple.  she was so in love with it, she immediately exclaimed, oh my god and i get to KEEP this?!  so all plans for seam ripper and extra skirtage flew out the window.

but today, stumped by the sparkly thing on the ironing board (oh yes, i cut into the burnt gold stuff), and going for my UFO break, i thought, why not use the matchy paisley scraps?  what's the worst that could happen? so it'll be an occasional wear, as least it'll be finished.

YOU GUYS I LOVE THIS FRIGGIN SKIRT SO MUCH IT HURTS.

(ruggy walks into the apartment to find oona jumping around the living room, singing along with ben folds at the top of her lungs.)

ruggy:  what's goin on?

oona:  I MADE A SKIRT!  and i had to take pictures!

ruggy:  oh.

oona:  do you LIKE it?  it's my most favorite skirt EVER!

ruggy:  it's kind of hard to tell, what with the yellow shirt.

oona:  .

ruggy:   but i love it!  seriously, babe!  the yellow just gets in my way!  it doesn't match!

ah, matching.  my roadblock in the first place.  we just never went for matching in kalkatroona.  possibly because we drink too much and our judgement is impaired.  matter of fact, parental kalkatroonans left a voicemail about grabbing a marguerita just as i was wishing for a reason to wear this out tonight.  i missed the message.  

that's a lose LOSE, baby.

but as it is cinco de mayo-nnaise, i'm off to imbibe anyways.

you didn't think i'd forgotten, did you?

cheers, peeps!  in lieu of raising a glass, share some drunken sewing tips with me if you got em!

sew weekly sunday: resurrection dress

i might be a cylon.

when ruggy heard the sew weekly theme for this week was all about kick ass women from the small screen, he said i should be wonder woman.  really? i said surprised.  yeah,  he said wide eyed, because you are a Wonder Woman to me.

sorry peeps, he's mine.

we're battlestar galactica freaks.  watched the whole series twice through already and will probably do it again.  it is CHOCK FULL of strong women. so we pondered starbuck... she's the badass blonde (oh yeah, and he's a she in the remake).  but landed on the left with boomer.  also known as sharon valeri. also known as cylon, model number eight.  lieutenant, pilot, wife, brat, wearer of awesome outfits.

i wanted something that had a military feel to it, but, like boomer, had split personalities. 

this ain't your daddy's BSG. the cylons have evolved since the seventies. now they look just like us, right down to the blood in their weird machine veins. 

they resurrect themselves every time they bite it, downloading into a new body.  oh yeah, and they get a REALLY COOL NEW OUTFIT every time.  if i was a cylon, i might bite it just to see what outfit i got. 

but the real reason for resurrection is, sadly, not fashion.  no, no, the cylon resurrects to learn from its mistakes... hopefully. (some of them don't, you know.)

unfortunately, i think i might be one of the ones that don't. i'm really too stubborn to admit i'm ever wrong.

but i'm working on it.  should only take several thousand more downloads to get it right.

fabric: stretch jersey, form the wonkiest cut yard i've ever had. luckily i only got one, at $5 per.

pattern: the laura dress from burdastyle, free for me because i am an online pack rat of the first order, and like a good cylon downloaded every weekly pattern before they started put price tags on. it had to happen.  (now it's $4, and totally worth it.)

year: 2009

notions: zipper, $2

time to complete: 8 hours. fitting, considering my inspiration.

first worn: this weekend

wear again: possibly in my next download. i'm not so much feeling it this time around. maybe next time i'll get more boobs and less hips that are poorly accentuated by diagonal pockets.

total cost: $7

(speaking of resurrection, i get the irony.  BSG actually dives heavily into religion and belief systems, cylons have "one true god" and the humans have many deities, like greek mythology.  plus they fight this neverending battle to annihilate each other.  it is highly awesome stuff, you should check it out of you haven't already.)

sew weekly sunday: my mom is prettier than your mom

well, hello again. come on in. have a tall glass of iced tea. i'll make it a long island if you want. 

speaking of coma inducing drinks named after american isles, a very special hello to my peeps in the US of A! hey folks! how's it goin'? relaxing sunday? ADMIT IT! you are spending every last second of this weekend frantically finishing your taxes! i cannot imagine what you are going through, as i just skipped over to the local PO saturday morning and mailed our taxes off, without incident. i mean, there was a mildly annoying dude in line on his phone, blathering about what the contingency plan would be were it to rain on the day in cellular question. dude, just live. if it rains, you'll get wet. your taxes are done.

for the childhood challenge over at le sew weekly, i pored over tiny oona photos carefully scanned and copied by my dad, presented in an album by the parental balloonas as a birthday prize last year. i pretty much demanded this gift, so i wasn't surprised, but i WAS surprised they did it. balloonas don't take well to demands.

are you surprised i wanted pictures of myself for my birthday? no? GOOD. my self-involved air of brattiness is coming along nicely. allow me to add to said air.  i'm sorry, but how pretty is my mom?

i did not find inspiration in the copious unbearably cute polaroids of myself. no, i was most inspired by this shot of my mom. as a wee kalkatroonan, i remember staring at it in awe. it looked like the golden sunlight was coming right out of her gorgeous smile. i wanted to be her. she was so stylish and graceful and pretty sitting up there. and still very much is. pretty, that is. she's come down from the tree.

armed with my maternal inspiration, i decided it was time to successfully tackle my first pair of wear-outdoors pants. i've tried before, but have always emerged beaten. badly. 

although mom's in white & khaki here, she's always in bold color & print. so i decided to play with the sepia tones in the photo, but use a wild print in homage.

i had all intentions of dragging ruggy to the park today and finding a tree, but after three days of soaking the couch in various liquids, we decided to lounge around the house instead. so you get a window and the fancy little sepia button on my rinky dink canon.

mom might be glowing because dad was the one behind the camera. here's what happens to me when ruggy pulls the trigger:

guess what i did. no, seriously, guess what i did, because i sure as hell couldn't repeat it if i tried. i made amy butler's wide leg lounge pants as a jumping off point, because where better to start for wear-outdoors pants than wear-indoors pajama pants pattern? elementary.

added length to pattern waist and hem, played with the side seams, took the center back in, added back darts, a side invisible zip, cut some of the waist off, made up a buttoned waist band closure-- oh wait, i'm sorry, did i say button closure? i meant FULLY FRIGGING FUNCTIONAL BUTTON CLOSURE.

that's right, folks. and i didn't go through the unmitigated torture of a hand bound buttonhole. or even try to futz with the crippled buttonhole function on my kenmore. nope, i remembered a little trick i saw in a vintage simplicity pattern involving an opening for a wrap skirt, and i applied it here.

i rock.

oh yeah, and my dad could totally beat your dad's ass.

fabric: linen, three yards, $15 total

patterns: amy butler's lounge pants, vintage simplicity 7910 (skirt band instructions only) and a whole lotta my head.

year: 70s to present

notions: invisible zip $1, cotton thread (stash), plastic buttons (stash)

time to complete: about twelve hours altogether. what with Cat One and Cat Two, this one was a doozy.

first worn: in the future, to see our favorite jazz trio next week!

wear again: hells yeah.

total cost: $16

sew weekly sunday: how nice of you to drop by

oh, hello darling, are the ladies from sew weekly here yet?

i was just having a little cocktail and light reading after sewing up this frock. it's tiring work, you know.

what's that, dear? you need help with the hors d'oeuvres? you must be mistaken, i don't cook.

this? no lamb, this isn't an apron. it's an accessory.

i can see where you might be confused.

have a peek at the back. see? no apron strings. vintage brooch. brooch versus bow. accessory. not to be sullied by cooking. that's quite alright, love. i'll remove it to avoid any further faux pas. i'm sorry, i didn't quite catch that sweetheart, what did you say?

i'm supposed to wear BLACK?

black is for funerals. and it doesn't go with the exposed zipper. i decline. but i will have another cocktail.

we''ll just have to mix those martinis strong, darling. they won't notice a thing.

fabric: leopard and gold silky-ish stuff, both gifted

patterns: burda 2/2011/101, $5.40, and petal vintage apron, free! hmm, free... as, compared to the many fab free BSwebsite patterns, this particular "pattern" should have been. 

year: 2011 & 1959

notions: exposed zipper, $2, and a box of black dye, unused. i don't own a single black dress. i thought, well, after this challenge, at least i'll have one. maybe i can wear it to a conservative dinner. or a funeral. then decided i didn't want to be going to any funerals any time soon.

time to complete: 5 hours

first worn: a hot minute ago.

wear again?: possibly... but the apron is destined for the seam ripper. more drinking. less cooking.

total cost: $7.40