craftsy + gertie = HEAVEN

oh hai.  how are you?  moi?  i've been tucked away in a cave of sewing bliss for the past three days making the  Best.  Dress.  EVER.  no, seriously, look, i'm not really one to be all look at what i made ohmygod it's soooo pretty right?! but lemme just say:

LOOK AT WHAT I MADE OHMYGOD IT'S SOOOO PRETTY RIGHT?!

a couple weeks ago, craftsy asked if i'd like to take gertie's bombshell dress course and do a wee review here on le blog.  smell ME.  this is the first review i've been asked for!  in my daydreams of what will i do if i'm ever asked to do a review i always included full disclosure.  so: they graciously linked me to the course for free, but you can be certain i am absolutely honest in my opines.  i think you know by now i don't pull many punches.  let me admit to you also, in my smallest and most embarrassed voice possible: i never would have taken the course otherwise.  as you may have noticed, i am quite certain that i already know everything there is to know about everything.  i don't need to shell out for instructions or new techniques or what have you.

silly oona.  i need anything gertie haz.

but i'm getting ahead of myself.  do you know about craftsy?  i didn't till now.  craftsy is a delicious site.  the layout, the colors, the peeps, the information...  i could eat it with a spoon.  and a mint julep.  probably a nice fresh burata cheese as well.  it's a bit more craft heavy (natch), but there are garment makers there with a very retro vibe.  a LOT of truly funky knitting going on as well.  that said, i wasn't expecting anything more than some pretty sewing videos with good information (after all, it's gertie).

silly oona.  the good people at craftsy are type As of the first order.  mere videos do not cut it in their universe.

you get chapters.  glossaries.  shopping lists.  supplies links.  classroom discussions.  course notes.  oh!  the course notes!  i want to kiss the course notes on the mouth!  as you're merrily rolling along, hit "take notes" and marvel as a sweet yellow lined pad pops up under the instantly paused video.  type in your note and save it.  the video immediately resumes, but wait!  days later, you're on chapter 15 and you want to remember something you jotted down waaaay back in chapter 2?  hit the little marker on your yellow notepad, et volia.  you are flown to that exact spot in the video.  SWEET.

also sweet, you're able to see everyone's questions to gertie on each step.  she answers them all (she may have cloned herself), and you can chime in with advice or ask your own question.  craftsy has an eye on it as well, and they're on problems like white on rice.  par example: you're using a burdastyle pattern here (which is included with the course fee), and as usual burdastyle puts no info on the pattern pieces other than a number and a straight grain.  this control freak likes to know what every piece is from the get-go.  i wrote my first classroom question, then found the link myself at burdastyle minutes later, and answered myself so that my classmates could have the info.  that evening craftsy responded, thanking me for pointing out the url and adding it to their supplies sheet.

let me say here that a jaded sort would think the quick response was partly due to the fact that i'm reviewing the course.  for shame.  being a type A myself, i can tell you anyone as organized as the peeps who made this bowlful of sewing sugar would surely scramble to fix something forgotten.  it's a mark on a spotless course, chrissakes. that won't do, reviewer or no.

and don't think for a minute (like i did) you'll be walked through making a straight up burdastyle pattern.  gertie does alchemy with this jammy, and lets you in on ALL the magic.  that baby is underlined, padded, boned and handstitched.  light years away from the burdastyle instructions.  

and that's why you need a muslin.  did i say i'd done a bona fide muslin before?  i lied.  this  is a bona fide muslin. i've never had a bodice fit so well.  speaking of bodice, my larger breasted friends, gertie's got you covered. there's like five chapters on modifying the bodice to suit you.  even though i did not go all hollywood in that department, i still used her adjustment to raise the ever-low-tide burdastyle bustline.  and here's where the small, managable bodice pieces made this an excellent pattern choice for this course; fitting the bodice is a lot of work.

va va voom, i haz breasts! 

but, it's a lot of highly enjoyable work.  you could even call it play.  when this course first came out, it was proffered as a "staycation" in the sewing blogosphere.  i scoffed.  how are muslins and couture techniques a vacation?  joke's on me.  that's EXACTLY what it is.  i had the best time making this dress along with gertie.  who, by the way, wears a new and fabulous handmade outfit in each video.  she was dee-lightful to watch and learn from.  a piece of sweet retro candy wrapped in couture vintage palettes.  i might have a girl crush on her.

i'm so not even holding the sides down here, it fits perfectly, this dress just makes you want to strike a pose.

like so. 

i'm quite aware that i'm gushing, and probably pushing you away in doing so.  i can't help it.  you go must go get this course.  yes, it's money, and who has it, but holy shit, the sheer amount you'll learn will stay with you in every garment you make.  and if you follow gertie's videos, you WILL have a perfect dress.  

all right.  rant over.  do you want your own?  the fab peeps at craftsy know the peeps over here in kalkatoona rock, so just use this special oonafied link to get your own bombshell course for half off (a penny under 30 bucks!) and show me what you made if you do!!!

PIFFFFFF(T).

i get it. everybody's too busy to play along on pay it forward. but guess what you get if you do? BOOTY!

check it! i got a purse, fancy chocolate, an embroidered mirror, the cutest tin ever, and a lovely handwritten note from the equally lovely nette!

come on. can you stand it? HOW ADORABLE IS THIS FREAKING TAG??? don't hate, non-players. 

i want the children in this little note to skip on over and do my chores for me. they look like they'd be happy to oblige.

okay. here's the deal. i only have TWO peeps to send a booty box to. i need THREE MORE to pay my karmic debt. you want in? you have to work for it. put a post up on your blog promising to send out five handmade goodies to five peeps. it could be a doily for a dollhouse, no need to get a second mortgage. if you're terrified by the number, i guess you could slack and make it three peeps, i've seen it done. (slacker.) 

who knows what you'll get, o fearless crafter, should you choose to partake. i have ever changing moods, and an endless supply of white wine.

the first three peeps to comment on this post that they're in get the remaining three boxes. now, don't get all confused if there are comments already, the original post had eleven comments and one taker (and a very funny story, if i do say so myself. and i do.)

IAAT is the battle cry

i was pretty friggin excited to read that beangirl had created a blog award. i made myself labor through her boring answers to her own questions instead of skipping right to the end to see if i'd won. true to form, she made me sweat and put me last.

this award is totally self serving. see for yourself, she readily admits it:

"These things have to start somewhere, right?  Why not me?  And I mean, I figure I can operate under the time-honored tradition of believing that what is highly annoying in others is totally fabulous in oneself.  Ergo, another meme with which to blatantly promote oneself whilst simultaneously irritating the crap out of everyone else.  Awesomeness."

mucho awesomeness. beangirl, i heartily accept. ask away. be warned that as promised, my answers are gonna kick your answers' ass.

1. what size shoe do you wear? if you wear a size 7, can i borrow your shoes?

i wear an 8. that's right, i'm barely five foot three, and i wear an 8. WIDE. here's an example of a pair that your tiny weird feet will never borrow from my ample metatarsals. go scrounge in someone else's closet.

2. 30's or 60's? 

hippie all the way. 30s would probably be a difficult decade for me, considering the penchant for chapeaus. it's hard to get this much hair under a hat. oh yeah, and the segregation. that could prove tricky.

wow. just did a little research on interracial marriage and miscegenation laws. a washington, dc judge sent a couple to prison in 1959, stating in his verdict: "Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, Malay, and red, and he placed them on separate continents. The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix". see for yourself. it was overturned mid-60s. according to wikipedia, that font of reliable information, miscegenation laws stayed on the books in some states till 2000, good old alabama being the last to go by a statewide vote of only 60% thumbs down on the law. i knew those laws hung their sickly, decrepit heads around for awhile, but not for that long.

you definitely can't borrow these. please, you would break your neck.

3. have you ever kissed someone you shouldn't have? 

no. i know some people answered yes, but i'm not a slut. however, my senior year in high school, i caught my boyfriend kissing someone HE shouldn't have. at a drama club party. in my bedroom, where we were keeping the coats. they tried to hide in the closet. so actually, yeah, i never should have kissed that jackass in the first place.

you could borrow these vintage beauties, they're a little small. in fact they'd rock with that tunic you keep mentioning. but you're never going to finish that, so no boots for you.

4. have you ever been poisoned? was it by the girlfriend of the person you kissed? that is awesomely "knot's landing." 

YES. just about a year ago, i was at a party with my coworkers. we had the upstairs bar to ourselves, but the restaurant below was quite shady. like one of those stephen king lowmen areas that just feel funny. upstairs was happy, lots of dancing going on, and people leaving drinks on tables. i had one mojito, and suddenly when it was time to leave i couldn't walk straight. i had the good sense to attach myself to five of my extremely drunk male coworkers, who walked me home on their way to the next bar. i blacked out on the bathroom floor and when i opened the door it was 2 in the afternoon. ruggy was out of town, and when i told him i couldn't believe one drink did that to me, (i've never had so much as a bad hangover, as i've said before, kalkatroonans do hold their liquor), he told me he was pretty certain someone put something in my drink. then made me promise to never go to a party without him again. i freaked the hell out. i was ready to pack it up and move to ohio the next day, but i hear this is not specific to the city of new york. 

more of an NBC public service announcement than knot's landing. peeps! never leave your drink unattended, and always order something clear. (but above all, always order something. chardonnay works nicely.)

5. who's on your "celebrity free pass" list (top 5)? 

are you ready for me to rock your world? tommy lee jones. ed harris. dave matthews. ray lamontagne. peter frigging gabriel. YOU KNOW I'M RIGHT.

stop drooling.

alrighty, here are my I Am What I Am And What I Am Is All That Picks. sassy, outspoken peeps who i enjoy the hell out of. i could've easily made this list a lot longer. i truly despise the awarding part, so thanks, beangirl! this was awesome!

emilykate: emily kate, beth: modern jax, reana louise: curves pattens and pins, katja: of dreams and seams, laurwyn: quirky pretty cute, lisette: what would nancy drew wear, and meg, of meg the grand, who actually awarded me a stylish blogger award, because as i have stated before i am so very awesome. and bratty. bratty enough to take the award, but not so awesome that i can think of seven more facts.

(but i can think of more blogs. want more sassiness? debi. jorth. don. tanit-isis. patty. oh go have a look at my links list, godsakes.)

paying it forward 2011: the line strikes again

warning, folks: this lady swears. a lot. but there's a prize for you at the end.
....................................................

oona stands in a long line at the local post office. everyone is quiet, resigned to waiting patiently. a woman behind oona (let's call her SAKS) fumes in a chanel suit, heels, pearls and salon coif. suddenly, she begins to yell loudly into her cellular phone.

saks: HALLO?? helllAAAOOOOH? ugh. GAWD IT'S JUST TAKING FOREHVUH HERE. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THOSE IDIOTS ARE DOING UP THERE. OH HONEY, YOU KNOW I LUNCHED AT B'DALE'S TODAY AND I PICKED UP A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR YOU-- NO, NOOO, YOU'LL JUST HAVETA WAIT AND SEE. I'LL BE DEAD IN A YEAR SO I'M SPENDING IT. FUCK THE ECONOMY, I'M SICK OF HEARING ABOUT IT, IT'S MINE AND I'M GONNA SPEND IT. I TOLD HAROLD THE SAME THING AND HE AGREES. WHADDAYA THINK I'M GONNA GIVE IT TO SOME FUCKING CHARITY?!

a timid woman in front of oona turns and gives saks a glance.

saks: (throwing a venomous glance in timid's direction) IN A MINUTE I'M GONNA TELL SOME ASSHOLE TO FUCK OFF, I SWEAR.

timid goes back to staring straight ahead where it's safe.

saks: I DON'T KNOW WHY THE FUCK I CAME TO THE RADIO CITY P.O. YOU THINK I'D SEE SOMEONE FAMOUS HERE SOME ACTRESS OR SOMETHING BUT IT'S AN AWFUL LITTLE SHITHOLE HERE. OH THE DOCTOR SAYS I'M FINE BUT I THINK HE'S FULL OF SHIT. I'M SURE I HAVE A TUMOR OR SOMETHING AND THAT'LL BE THE END OF ME IN A YEAR I'M TELLING YOU

oona sighs, reminding herself to be kind. attempting to ignore the barrage behind her, she opens the packet in her hand and studies the tax forms about to be mailed. saks peers over her shoulder.

saks: OH THAT'S WHY IT'S TAKING SO LONG HERE FOR CHRISSAKES IS IT A TAX DAY

oona: ...are you serious?

saks: WHAT.

oona: did you seriously just look over my shoulder and read my mail?

saks: I DID NO SUCH THING YOU GOT A PROBLEM?

oona: yes. yes i do. this entire room full of complete strangers is hearing all about your personal business. no one wants to hear about your personal business, and i certainly don't want you reading any of mine.

saks: WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF.

an even deeper hush falls over the already quiet room. the crowd waits for oona's reply.

oona: i hope everything you just said comes true.

oona turns her attention back towards the front of the line. timid looks at her wide eyed, then gives an approving (albeit timid) thumbs up. saks is silent for a moment.

saks: i'll have to call you back.
.......................................................

i left the post office thinking, oh my god, i really said that? i don't actually want this woman to have a tumor. seriously. COME ON! i was all jedi master calm about dealing with rudeness again and it just came out.

luckily, nette has a post this morning about paying it forward (you can read more about it here). i think i am in need of some of that karmic mojo to make up for line event number two. so, the first 5 peeps who comment on this post will receive a handmade goodie. BUT WAIT THERE'S A CATCH! in order to receive a prize, YOU must first write a blog post promising a little goodie to the first five peeps who comment on YOUR post! fun, yes? i'm excited to go to the post office and mail something out without wishing a tumor on anyone. you too? let's get cracking!

PS: don't let the number of comments fool you, so far no takers on paying it forward. peeps must really be concerned about what line #3 will bring.

edit: pay it forwards payed! that part is closed now. the radio city PO is still open, however, and always good for a laugh.

sunday thanks

magdamagda has gifted me a versatile blogger award :) thanks magda! she deserves hers, you ought to stop by and see her stunning garments. here we go y'all seven random facts:

1. i was new jersey's first altar girl. roman catholic, that is. i was all, "why aren't there GIRLS up there helping the priests" and they were all "cause they're AREN'T" and i was all "WHATEVER." my dad was an altar boy, and he told me to change things (thanks dad). trailblazer? yes. good at it? decidedly no.

2. nothing says christmas like a hot dog from gray's papaya. which may clue you in on the whole altar girl thing. it is a vital part of the day when shopping for holiday gifts in manhattan's upper west side. ruggian mom and i were pleased to discover the same goes for any sam's club (thanks mom to the ruggy power).

3. once upon a time, i sang opera. specifically, coloratura soprano. that's the stuff the blue chick sings in the fifth element (i'm pretty sure she's from kalkatroona). i still squeak out some high notes now and then.

4. that said, when i was a baby, they almost cut my voicebox out. i was hospitalized with whooping cough. they kept tracheotomy tools by my crib, and my mom stayed there all night to make sure they didn't (thanks mom).

5. i am a bag of tricks. among other things, in my mix i have: italian, black (from where i do not know), sioux indian, and irish. that's the shortlist.

6. patience is not included in that bag. if it takes me more than 10 days to finish a sewing project, it will die in a box in the back of my closet.

7. imaginary alligators are extremely dangerous. if ruggy tries to push me off the couch when one is around (which they are, pretty much all the time), i will use every ounce of my strength to keep him from doing so. i'm surprisingly strong at times like this.

it might be the taxes, it might be that i have to award a whopping FIFTEEN NEW BLOGS, but i went postal on my links bar today. i take this to mean blogs that are more recent to my linky list, so, newish-to-me blogs, if you happen to stop by, here's your award:

quirky pretty cute, yum & yuk, tanit isis sews, pachi pachi, fashion sewing & life adventures, kelepso's design studio, ranger sarah, urbandon, tuddelei, magpie shinies, we are totally doing stuff, jemima & geraldine, refurl, nette, dilatory.

christ. linking took longer than taxes!

tea and suspicious activity

some lovely ladies arrived last weekend, bearing thanks from a blogger friend.

i asked the eldest, mona, where they might like to live. she said they are the bookish sort, and would i mind if they hung around my shelves? not in the least, i replied.  she thanked me and offered me tea.

some of her friends are pretty shy, i haven't heard a peep from this one yet.  she sweetly sipped some jasmine tea, which is fairly mysterious in itself.  i expect she thinks she's hidden by all that red.

lila likes her tea black, no sugar-- but she took me up on my offer of a little irish cream. hollow leg, that one. she bounded up onto this weighty shelf.  she'll probably plow through these in one sitting.

and jezzie of the pink hair positively guzzled her oolong.  she doesn't look like it, but she was the most talkative of the bunch once she got going. i don't know what she's hiding in that little black case, but i think it's a clarinet.

i told them i had seen them before, while visiting cara carmina's blog, and was immediately reminded of the capelet giveaway i was throwing on my blog. i really thought it went with their outfits! lila tried it on (it looked great on her) but i confessed i thought it suited cara's style the best. but there were a lot of entries.  mona said not to worry, it would end up with the right person, and lila sneaked some more irish cream.

and now you know why i couldn't believe my eyes and called a do-over! 

(come to think about it, the shy one looked suspicious. i think i'm going to have to watch her.)

i have a confession to make...

i made my list and checked it twice, cut out 22 entries and put them all in a little milkglass jar. shut my eyes and picked. and then immediately called a do-over.

YES, that's right, i loved the name i picked so much, i thought no one would believe me, so i cheated and did it over again... hooray cara carmina! even a do-over couldn't stop fate! congratulations also to beth, for making me laugh very hugely out loud every time i read about her awesome mothering skillz. i'll be contacting you both shortly about your prizes.... 

now it's time to have chocolate pudding and politically incorrect sitcoms with ruggy. thanks for playing peeps!

maybe it's much too early in the game-- now closed; winner announced later today!

or too late in the season for giveaways. tell me true, is it a bad idea to host a blog giveaway at the end of december? and is it maybe an even WORSE idea to give already holi-dazed peeps a mere three days to enter... one of those days being christmas eve?!

i may have gotten a bit over excited. 

okay. i call a do-over. because i CAN. so, if you would still like this tiny capelet, here's how to enter!

1. comment on this post telling me what you'll do with it. extra points for making me laugh.

2. follow me for another chance to win.

3. link to my giveaway on your blog for a third chance to win.

4. enter by january tenth

5. and YES, although i'm picking out of a hat, if you make me laugh you may get a prize anyway!

now, i am quite aware that the lack of entries may be due to the fact, that umm, no one likes this wee capelet. i mean, modcloth didn't like it either. no matter! i do believe it's darling and meant to grace someone's neck. so if one peep enters, then my peep, it shall be yours! if no peep enters, well then i'll cry. 

no seriously i will.

see more detailed pics at the original post here.

ps: to the lovely ladies who did comment originally.... um, did you mean to enter? i couldn't tell!!! hosting a blog giveaway is HARD!!! i need coffee and croissants. luckily i have some. 'kthnxloveyoumeanitbye!

two amazing ladies: the caracarmina petit frida brooch giveaway & the streamer frock grosgrain giveaway

well peeps, having feeling quite lucky to come through the past few weeks a-ok, i have entered into not one, but TWO giveaways.

you get an extra chance to win if you link to these absolutely fantabulously freaking talented ladies on your bloggity blog. of course i want an extra chance to win, and as a nice bonus the handful of folks who swing by here might click and throw their names in the hat! share the wealth, i always sa--

(a tap on oona's left shoulder:)


evil oona: dude. that means more peeps to compete with. KEEP IT TO YOURSELF, GODSAKES.

sigh.

(pictured left to right: The Caracarmina Petit Frida Brooch Giveaway ; The Streamer Frock Grosgrain Giveaway)

the images above are the work of caracarmina and grosgrain, respectively. click on the links below the images to visit each giveaway. i hope it's alright to show them to you here, but you just have to see the eye candy to click, ya know? and they go so well together! i am in love with both of them. please go visit to see more awesomeness! 

and ps: be on the lookout for a little giveaway of my own here in a few.

there are many lovely ladies out there

and two have given me some prizes! roxie has stepped away for the moment so here i am to claim. both women make beautiful things out of fabrics and out of words. one is from a very purple and very honest lady, the other comes from a land down under, where apparently these are to be found in abundance.

both awards require me to share some honest and/or things-you-didn't-know about me... one wants 10, the other 7, so, add those up, divvy by 2... i'm gonna go with 8 and 1/2 things. (see, dad? i did learn something in high school math!)

geri, marmota & incurable homebody? you are hereby awarded, blogger slacker to blogger slacker.
 

UNO! i can't speak any language besides english, despite having four years of french. and i think we are totally pigheaded in this country about that. myself included, as i haven't done a damn thing about it.

DOS!  i always have to look behind me before safely, err, sitting in the bathroom. i'm pretty sure this stems from seeing a colossal spider AT EYE LEVEL AND INCHES AWAY FROM MY FACE right next to the throne of my childhood. very clever, he was, his home was a hole in the windowsill that made it impossible to capture him. mortal fear, every time.

TRES! i have stolen just about every bit of my current blogger layout from emilykate.

CUATRO! speaking of theft, when i was 13 i stole some makeup out of the most popular-girl-in-school's open gym locker (lest you think i picked a lock, i was not a very accomplished thief). i then threw the makeup in the trash. my friends chipped in and gave me an eyeshadow palette of 58 colors, thinking i didn't have money for makeup. i just wanted to do something mean to the meanest girl in school. (by the way have you seen mean girls? awesome. i'd be the artistic outcast chick, only with lace stockings and technicolor duds. everyone thought i was a skank but i was one of the only virgins in school.)

CINCO! i think milk chocolate should be put to death. also carrot cake.

SEIS! i am a very violent girl, at least for entertainment purposes. if it's not a good romantic comedy, then i want armageddon and faceless demons and bad cops that kick ass but they do it for the right reasons.

SIETE! i always have to be fair to both sides of my body if it's something i've inadvertently caused-- say, if i'm walking down the street and kick my own shin by accident, i have to kick the other one. yep.

OCHO! i am very strong for my size (5'2 and three quarters, thankyouverymuch), with arm muscles that surprise people. these do not come from working out at the gym. they come from doing my hair, which is very curly and thick.

AND A HALF! there are many days that i would rather spend sewing-drinking-eating-playing in a house in the country, instead of going to my dream job, which is

WHINY POST.

i hate my blog layout! it's too dark in our tree house apartment! there's nothing to eat! i don't like my fall clothing! i missed dress-a-day week!

waaaah, waah.

well, geri at sewable gave me this fancy dancy award (right before my computer's aneurysm) because i'm "overly entertaining"... when i'm not WHINING... i'm not sure where it originated, but the babelfish translation is "prize to the personal effort". (r has always called presents and awards prizes: for example, a birthday present is a Prize. i love that. not only do you get a gift, it's like you've won something.) thanks geri, you have given me the perfect opportunity to introduce some peeps who will probably be far more enjoyable than me right now.

rules:

1. put the prize & rules on your blog and indicate who gave it to you by identifying their blog.
2. select 6 bloggers to whom you would like to give this prize.
3. inform them by leaving a comment on their blog.
4. write 6 of your most important values and 6 negative points you condemn.

(whine alert) i don't WANNA choose 6 peeps! it's too HAaaaRD! dammit. okay. to make it easier on my whiny ass, i put my blogroll in a hat, left out anyone i've prized before & anyone who ain't peeped in awhile, and picked six.

flighty girl: yahoo pick! just had a baby (that makes three) and STILL blogging more than me...
secret cave of the sugar mama: how fortuitous... also has a house full (three), and cracks me up daily.
nikki shell: oooh, yay, i love her! and another house full. (three, i believe--seems to be the magic number for this hat)
elsie marley: just. so. pleasing.
cutting edges stitches & seams: yeah, mirela is the definition of personal effort.
weekend designer: okay, i think he may actually be a robot. a sewing robot.

if you happen to see this post here's your prize... i'm not informing anyone because god knows i just spent 40 minutes devising the whole hat plan.

i value:
honesty. kindness. respect. r. the ability to listen. a good bottle of blanton's.

i de-value:
lying. schmoozing. pretentiousness. the ability to ignore others. box wine.

oh, and speaking of wine, WHINING.